Directed
by James Wan (Saw)
Written
by Chris Morgan (Wanted)
Starring:
Vin
Diesel (Pitch Black)
Paul
Walker (The Fast and the Furious)
Jason
Statham (Spy)
Dwayne
Johnson (Doom)
Michelle
Rodriguez (S.W.A.T.)
Kurt
Russell (Sky High)
Tyrese Gibson (Fast
5)
Chris Ludacris Bridges (Fast and Furious 6)
Natalie
Emmanuel (Game of Thrones)
Ronda
Rousey (UFC?)
Tony Jaa
(Ong Bak)
Djimon Hounsou (Gladiator)
Let's all agree that the first film was a blatant unapologetic knock off of Point Break. Since then the franchise faltered for a film or three. Rockification has now led to three above-average films.
This seventh and latest outing is the above-averagest of them all and
is actually just a rather great movie.
They (some unspecified conglomerate of thinkers) managed to successfully morph the movies from being about the trendy screeches and growls of street racing to becoming part of the always-in-style heist genre.
"Furious Seven" was not only able to serve as a fitting send off to its franchise lead, it surrounded him with one moronically fun film. With Jason Statham's help, it enters into a new breed of unexpected, yet totally intentional, action-comedy. Usually, an action-comedy means there are jokes and there is action. Here, the action is the joke, and it's masterful. Its like the muscle-head cousin of "The Lego Movie."
The narrative preaches "family" but the effects crew preaches adrenaline. Like punchlines in a Hannibal Burress stand-up set, each explosion was absurd and each stunt was immensely imaginative, and borderline offensive. James Wan and his crew had the tenacity to telegraph their stunts and still make them a thrill to watch. It was expected to be a good film and it delivered. Three words: Rock. Bottom. Camera.
The real take always, however, are not that it's a successful movie, it's the life lessons we learned along the way. Lessons beyond the word "family" being mentioned every five minutes. Here is a quick list of Seven lessons "Furious Seven" taught us.
Furious Lesson One - Carpooling:
- One car per person,
- Only plot
devices exit a vehicle from the passenger side.
- Exception: when
the car will be completely obliterated.
Furious Lesson 2 - Science:
- Cars are
impervious to bullets.
- Gravity is a toy.
- The laws of
biology are optional if:
- You are The
Rock.
- You are Dwayne
Johnson.
- You are a
character played by either of the above.
Furious Lesson 3 - Characterization:
- Backstory can
be supplanted by an actor's life and reputation.
- ex. Tony Jaa, Ronda Rousy, and Djimon Hounsou played Tattooed Tony Jaa, Fancy Ronda Rousy, and Djimon Hounsou, respectively.
Furious Lesson 4 - Stereotypes confirmed:
- All women who
wear hijabs are semi-incompetent ninjas.
Furious Lesson 5 - Jason Statham:
- Best utilized
when Stathomed throughout a movie. (See: Review for "Spy")
Furious Lesson 6 – Conversations:
- Must occur
facing the same direction.
- Align all
shoulders to selected horizon.
- Do NOT make eye contact.
 |
| Luda: "What's a parabola?" Tyrese: "I think it's a type of bagel." Vin: "Family." |
Furious Lesson 7 - Promises:
- Made only about
things you have zero control over and should definitely not make
promises about.
2015 Rankdown:
1.
Kingsman: The Secret Service****
2.
Mad Max: Fury Road***
3. Spy***
4.
Avengers: Age of Ultron****
5.
Furious 7***
6.
Predestination*
7.
Run All Night*
8.
Jupiter Ascending
9.
Ex Machina
(*denoted rewatchability)
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