Imad Siddiqui Presents: The First Annual SQUID Film Rankings

Welcome to the inaugural SQUID (Siddiqui Quality Unquestionably Imad's Decision) Rankings. One individual recognizing excellence in cinema while remaining slightly noncommittal and intensely superficial. The SQUID award is inspired by the quite gross, Humboldt Squid.  The statuette is pure platic and three inches tall, spray-painted neon green and bedazzled with unpolished diamonds to represent the filthy nature of humanity's creative spirit. A representative of the top film is allegedly given the award in an imaginary, untelevised ceremony.

The 2014 calender produced a most expansive selection of films ranging across all genres, from biopics to scifi, from action-comedy to scifi-action-comedy (or Scifactiedy). That may not distinguish a single year from any other, but what was special about 2014 was the alarmingly consistent, impressively high level of movies that it birthed onto our screens. Films of the highest caliber debuted in a year of instant classics and exhilarating thrills. A year that saw a return to originality and a welcomed trend towards strong-willed and well-rounded female characters. A year that has been an absolute pleasure to have sat back and watched.

We begin with a simple ranking, accompanied in parentheses by the respective MVPs of the films. Be advised, this is a list composed out of films seen by me, a humble watcher of movies. I am not a licensed critic (that's a thing right?) or part of any association. Under consideration are films released in the past 12 months, obviously. Reading it means you have read it. If you tell me your filthy opinion of this list in person in the comments below, I will reward you with chocolate.* Also, no, Keanu Reeves did not pay me.

26. Bad Words (The Scream)
Rottantomatoes Score: 65% IMDb: 6.7

25. Godzilla (Bryan Cranston)
Rt: 74% IMDb: 6.6

24. Noah ()
Rt: 77% IMDB: 5.9 

23. The Guest (Dan Stevens)
Rt: 90% IMDB: 6.7

22. How to Train Your Dragon 2 (Final Battle)
Rt: 92% IMDB: 8.0

21. The Skeleton Twins (lip sync duet)
Rt: 87% IMDB: 7.0

20. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Tank takeover)
Rt: 90% IMDB: 7.8

19. X-Men Days of Future Past (Quicksilver)
Rt: 91% IMDB: 8.1

18. Calvary (Two Gleesons)

Rt: 89% IMDb: 7.5
17. The Raid 2 (Final 3 fights)
Rt: 79% IMDB: 8.1

16. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (Wizards and Elves vs. Shadows of The Nine)
Rt: 60% IMDb: 7.9

15. Birdman (The beautiful drumming)
Rt: 92% IMDb: 8.7

14. Into the Woods (Agony)
Rt: 72% IMDb: 7.2

13. Gone Girl (NPH's house)
Rt: 88% IMDb: 8.2

12. A Walk Among the Tombstones (Dan Stevens)
Rt: 68% IMDb: 6.6

11. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Knives)
Rt: 89%  IMDb: 7.8

10. Guardians of the Galaxy (Awesome Mix Vol. 1)
Rt: 90% IMDb: 8.3

9. Snowpiercer (Grey)
Rt: 95% IMDb: 7

8. Begin Again (James Cordon)
Rt: 83% IMDb: 7.5

7. 22 Jump Street (The End Credits)
Rt: 84% IMDb: 7.2

6. The Grand Budapest Hotel (The Symmetry)
Rt: 92% IMDb: 8.2

5. Live, Die, Repeat: The Edge of Tomorrow (The Full Metal B****)
Rt: 90% IMDb: 8

4. The Lego Movie (Everything is Awesome)
Rt: 96% IMDb: 7.9

3. The Imitation Game (Benedict Cumberbatch, Mark Strong, and Keira Knightley)
Rt: 89% IMDb: 8.3

2. Interstellar (TARS)
Rt: 72% IMDb: 8.9

1. John Wick ("Oh")
Rt: 85% IMDb: 7.7

And now a smattering of specific recognitions.

Performances of Note

-Lead 

Benedict Cumberbatch - The Imitation Game
Jake Gyllenhaal - Nightcrawler
Michael Keaton - Birdman

Rosamund Pike - Gone Girl

Keira Knightley - Begin Again

Brandan Gleeson - Calvary

Andy Serkis - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

-Supporting
Keira Knightley - The Imitation Game
James Cordon - Into the Woods
Jillian Bell - 22 Jump Street
Karen Gillian - Guardians of the Galaxy
Jason Clarke - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Toby Kebbell - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Dan Stevens - A Walk Among the Tombstones

Golden Humboldt for Excellence in Ruthlessness 

John Wick. (Hero) John Wick

Lord Business (Villain) Lego Movie

Golden Humboldt for Direction 
Phil Lord and Chris Miller
for The Lego Movie and 22 Jump Street

Best Use of Overhead Shot
Gone Girl - That one scene. 

Crimson Humboldt for Best Kill
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies - Thranduil beheading six orcs. 

The Humboldt for Outstanding Overuse of Slow Motion
X-Men: Days of Future Past - Quicksilver in the Kitchen


Tracking Shots of the Year
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - (Rotating Tank) 
All of Birdman. 

Vertigo Shot of the Year
Need for Speed - (Aaron Paul zoning in) 

Headless Humboldt for Most Violent Film
The Raid 2

The End. Thank you for reading and, hopefully uniformly agreeing with everything you just read.

In the coming days the awards for Actor and Actress of the Year will be presented to the actor and actress who are in multiple roles while also bringing to life exceptional characters throughout the year. To artificially manufacture a sense of prestige, here is recap of the previous years' unannounced honorees:

SQUID Actor of the Year Winners
2013 winner - Benedict Cumberbatch 
12 Years A Slave, Star Trek into Darkness, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, August: Osage County, The Fifth Estate, The Simpsons

2012 winner - Joseph Gordon Levitt
Premium Rush, Looper, Lincoln, The Dark Knight Rises

2011 winner - Michael Fassbender 
Jane Eyre, X-Men: First Class, Shame, Haywire, A Dangerous Method

SQUID Actress of the Year
2013 winner - Amy Adams
American Hustle, Man of Steel, Her

2012 winner -  Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence
Hathaway - Les Miserable and The Dark Night Rises
Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook and The Hunger Games

2011 winner - Emily Blunt
Your Sister's Sister, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, The Adjustment Bureau, Gnomeo and Juliet, The Muppets


*Chocolate must be demanded in person. 

Interstellar (2014)

Review for those who've not seen the film:

If you love Nolan, you get everything you want.  

10 out of 10 - Read no further because I'm about to spill everything. Save yourself, oh intelligent film goer. Go in Blind!

If you have seen the film:

Directed by Christopher Nolan
Written by Jonathan and Christopher Nolan
Starring:
Matthew McConaughy (Tropic Thunder)
Anne Hathaway (The Dark Knight Rises)
Mackenzie Foy (Apparently Twilight)
Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty)
Topher Grace (Predators)
Casey Affleck (Oceans Eleven)
Michael Caine (Batman Begins)
John Lithgow (Rise of the Planet of the Apes)
Ellen Burstyn (The Fountain)
Timothee Chalamet (Royal Pains)
David Oyelowo (Jack Reacher)
Collette Wolfe (Take Me Home Tonight)
David Gyasi (Doctor Who) 
Wes Bentley (Four Feathers)
Josh Stewart (The Dark Knight Rises)
Bill Irwin (MR. NOODLE!)
Elyes Gabel (World War Z)
(Freakin Matt Damon) 

Like standout songs in a concept album, movies, especially action-adventure sci-fi movies, tend to have highly memorable scenes. Interstellar brings one after another. Sequences you can absorb out of context just for the coolness of it all. And this movie is exactly that, hyper cool.  Absolute zero. It believes in itself, and while some may find that off putting, I absolutely love it. Why watch a movie that is unsure of it self?

With Interstellar we have a new SciFi juggernaut. A story of wayward and hopeful souls flying across the universe divide, looking for the future of humanity. A story to sit in the upper echelon of the genre and take a spot next to Moon, Sunshine, and Inception.

For Nolan, like Inception before it, this standalone nonsequel non adaptation brings sequence after sequence of beautiful, mind-shattering practical effects. The clarity with which you can tell that you are watching something that occupied actual space instead of rendered pixels is astonishing, refreshing even. The worth of those aspects alone stands out in this day and age of CGI splurging. As for the running time, I'm firmly in the camp of never having too much of a good thing. 

Here are the scenes ranked in order of Stellarness. 

1. Spin Docking (The score in this scene alone is enough to melt the hair off your entire body.)
2. First Journey through the Wormhole
3. Black-hole Bookshelf
4. New Earth 
5. Drone chase
6. Solid Cloud/Matt Damonland 
7. Space Station Orbiting Earth (I'm getting dizzy just remembering it,)
8. Water World. 

It's a 12 Monkeys situation (among probably every other film that messes with time) where the end is fundamentally tied to the beginning, but unlike 12 Monkeys, it doesn't massacre the story's worth by burying the narrative in doomed time loops. With Interstellar the characters' actions matter and their sacrifices have gains. The pivotal scene reminding me of Looper's aha moment. All while operating in the theoretical realm with a future that's ever so slightly apocalyptic. Let's not forget that there is no sound in space, the fifth dimension is the exact representation of "all time experienced at once." Two details I always wish to enact in films utilizing the time or space travel tropes. To see them executed on screen and so near to how i imagined is a thrill beyond words. 

Then there's the casting. Familiar names and faces popping up not just as dense characters but also unexpected roles. Mackenzie Foy was an exact match to Jessica Chastain. Topher Grace continuing to make amends for his miscast opportunity as Venom being in a enjoyable enough to place along side his other film success, Predators. There's Wes Bentley's ongoing supporting actor career resurgence (Coupled with his importance to Hunger Game Franchise, a welcomed success after the promise he flashed in Four Feathers.) And we have the golden geezers. Lithgow holding his own and Caine doing what he does. 

One most memorable performance is also a special effect, more of a puppet actually. The robots TARS and CASE are unexpected packages of jokes. Not only that but they defy expectations with their abilities and purpose. An R2D2 and C3P0 for a time not too far off. 

We have our standard Hero's Journey set in space, playing with time. In Nolans hands, it flourishes. The story is anchored by the standard white male lead but we can't fault Matthew McConaughy here. Another celestial performance from the best actor in Hollywood. In fact, we're lucky he's in such a far out film like this, bringing credibility, loopiness, and his immense talent to a genre that may not always get the respect it deserves. After him, there is real diversity present in the other characters as well. Not in any extraordinary amount (See: Maze Runner) but it's still nice to get a female character or two that aren't annoying. Chastain is beyond perfect. Even with Hathaway's Brand needlessly in love, it eventually leads to a payoff we may not see but certainly can understand.


Bottom line. Christopher Nolan is the best there is (Aside from Edgar Wright). As far as this year goes, Interstellar now sits atop the rankings edging out John Wick but the year's not done, emotions are still raw and flux. It may come down to this, while John Wick and Edge of Tomorrow thrilled, Interstellar fulfilled. 

To repeat. 10 out of 10