Imad Siddiqui Presents: The First Annual SQUID Film Rankings

Welcome to the inaugural SQUID (Siddiqui Quality Unquestionably Imad's Decision) Rankings. One individual recognizing excellence in cinema while remaining slightly noncommittal and intensely superficial. The SQUID award is inspired by the quite gross, Humboldt Squid.  The statuette is pure platic and three inches tall, spray-painted neon green and bedazzled with unpolished diamonds to represent the filthy nature of humanity's creative spirit. A representative of the top film is allegedly given the award in an imaginary, untelevised ceremony.

The 2014 calender produced a most expansive selection of films ranging across all genres, from biopics to scifi, from action-comedy to scifi-action-comedy (or Scifactiedy). That may not distinguish a single year from any other, but what was special about 2014 was the alarmingly consistent, impressively high level of movies that it birthed onto our screens. Films of the highest caliber debuted in a year of instant classics and exhilarating thrills. A year that saw a return to originality and a welcomed trend towards strong-willed and well-rounded female characters. A year that has been an absolute pleasure to have sat back and watched.

We begin with a simple ranking, accompanied in parentheses by the respective MVPs of the films. Be advised, this is a list composed out of films seen by me, a humble watcher of movies. I am not a licensed critic (that's a thing right?) or part of any association. Under consideration are films released in the past 12 months, obviously. Reading it means you have read it. If you tell me your filthy opinion of this list in person in the comments below, I will reward you with chocolate.* Also, no, Keanu Reeves did not pay me.

26. Bad Words (The Scream)
Rottantomatoes Score: 65% IMDb: 6.7

25. Godzilla (Bryan Cranston)
Rt: 74% IMDb: 6.6

24. Noah ()
Rt: 77% IMDB: 5.9 

23. The Guest (Dan Stevens)
Rt: 90% IMDB: 6.7

22. How to Train Your Dragon 2 (Final Battle)
Rt: 92% IMDB: 8.0

21. The Skeleton Twins (lip sync duet)
Rt: 87% IMDB: 7.0

20. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Tank takeover)
Rt: 90% IMDB: 7.8

19. X-Men Days of Future Past (Quicksilver)
Rt: 91% IMDB: 8.1

18. Calvary (Two Gleesons)

Rt: 89% IMDb: 7.5
17. The Raid 2 (Final 3 fights)
Rt: 79% IMDB: 8.1

16. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (Wizards and Elves vs. Shadows of The Nine)
Rt: 60% IMDb: 7.9

15. Birdman (The beautiful drumming)
Rt: 92% IMDb: 8.7

14. Into the Woods (Agony)
Rt: 72% IMDb: 7.2

13. Gone Girl (NPH's house)
Rt: 88% IMDb: 8.2

12. A Walk Among the Tombstones (Dan Stevens)
Rt: 68% IMDb: 6.6

11. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Knives)
Rt: 89%  IMDb: 7.8

10. Guardians of the Galaxy (Awesome Mix Vol. 1)
Rt: 90% IMDb: 8.3

9. Snowpiercer (Grey)
Rt: 95% IMDb: 7

8. Begin Again (James Cordon)
Rt: 83% IMDb: 7.5

7. 22 Jump Street (The End Credits)
Rt: 84% IMDb: 7.2

6. The Grand Budapest Hotel (The Symmetry)
Rt: 92% IMDb: 8.2

5. Live, Die, Repeat: The Edge of Tomorrow (The Full Metal B****)
Rt: 90% IMDb: 8

4. The Lego Movie (Everything is Awesome)
Rt: 96% IMDb: 7.9

3. The Imitation Game (Benedict Cumberbatch, Mark Strong, and Keira Knightley)
Rt: 89% IMDb: 8.3

2. Interstellar (TARS)
Rt: 72% IMDb: 8.9

1. John Wick ("Oh")
Rt: 85% IMDb: 7.7

And now a smattering of specific recognitions.

Performances of Note

-Lead 

Benedict Cumberbatch - The Imitation Game
Jake Gyllenhaal - Nightcrawler
Michael Keaton - Birdman

Rosamund Pike - Gone Girl

Keira Knightley - Begin Again

Brandan Gleeson - Calvary

Andy Serkis - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

-Supporting
Keira Knightley - The Imitation Game
James Cordon - Into the Woods
Jillian Bell - 22 Jump Street
Karen Gillian - Guardians of the Galaxy
Jason Clarke - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Toby Kebbell - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Dan Stevens - A Walk Among the Tombstones

Golden Humboldt for Excellence in Ruthlessness 

John Wick. (Hero) John Wick

Lord Business (Villain) Lego Movie

Golden Humboldt for Direction 
Phil Lord and Chris Miller
for The Lego Movie and 22 Jump Street

Best Use of Overhead Shot
Gone Girl - That one scene. 

Crimson Humboldt for Best Kill
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies - Thranduil beheading six orcs. 

The Humboldt for Outstanding Overuse of Slow Motion
X-Men: Days of Future Past - Quicksilver in the Kitchen


Tracking Shots of the Year
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - (Rotating Tank) 
All of Birdman. 

Vertigo Shot of the Year
Need for Speed - (Aaron Paul zoning in) 

Headless Humboldt for Most Violent Film
The Raid 2

The End. Thank you for reading and, hopefully uniformly agreeing with everything you just read.

In the coming days the awards for Actor and Actress of the Year will be presented to the actor and actress who are in multiple roles while also bringing to life exceptional characters throughout the year. To artificially manufacture a sense of prestige, here is recap of the previous years' unannounced honorees:

SQUID Actor of the Year Winners
2013 winner - Benedict Cumberbatch 
12 Years A Slave, Star Trek into Darkness, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, August: Osage County, The Fifth Estate, The Simpsons

2012 winner - Joseph Gordon Levitt
Premium Rush, Looper, Lincoln, The Dark Knight Rises

2011 winner - Michael Fassbender 
Jane Eyre, X-Men: First Class, Shame, Haywire, A Dangerous Method

SQUID Actress of the Year
2013 winner - Amy Adams
American Hustle, Man of Steel, Her

2012 winner -  Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence
Hathaway - Les Miserable and The Dark Night Rises
Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook and The Hunger Games

2011 winner - Emily Blunt
Your Sister's Sister, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, The Adjustment Bureau, Gnomeo and Juliet, The Muppets


*Chocolate must be demanded in person. 

The Imitation Game (2014)

Directed by Morten Tyldum (Headhunters)
Written by Graham Moore 
Starring:
Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock)
Keira Knightly (Bend It Like Beckham)
Mark Strong (Stardust)
Charles Dance (Game of Thrones)
Matthew Goode (Watchmen)
Allen Leech (Primeval)
Rory Kinnear (Skyfall)
Tuppence Middleton (Trance)

BE ADVISED: The following contains intense gushing praise. 

When The Imitation Game is at full power, your emotions belong to this movie. It takes you completely with its Britishness. Holds you by the face, clutches your cheeks and injects a cold, swirling sense of life into the core of your mind. By the end, The film opens your eyes to a truer history and you walk out to a broken world. Not bad for a biopic. Especially noteworthy is how three timelines all tell one vastly necessary story and each feeds into one another to build a masterpiece. 

Like any masterpiece, this film operates as more than just a drama. It's a war movie, its a biography, its a revisiting to the still relevant horrid hatred of homosexuality. Yes, its about all those serious things, but they can be depressing and bitter when not mixed and treated with a little sugar. The humor and confidence boasted by the cast throughout the film is brilliantly handled, and vitally so. We are never unaware of the perils surrounding Alan Turing and his crew of World War II Enigma code breakers but we are given the positivity to emotionally survive the ordeal through sharp wit and renegadian dialogue. The delivery of those lines make me feel cool just thinking about them. For instance, literally every word out of Mark Strong' s Col. Maj. Stewart Menzies will get a woman pregnant. 

The pinnacle scene where they fracture the enigma is gorgeously handled. A burst of realization sparking in Turing's eye performed like nothing else in the universe mattered, a moment of such euphoric eureka that we, as the audience are enthralled beyond all reason. 

Speaking further to all of the above, Tyldum, in his English language directorial debut, maximizes every bit of tension, humor, and love out of his film. There is even a sense of muted style to the camera work. People are often positioned off center, intentionally keeping your eyes active. Tyldum takes the top screenplay of the 2011 blacklist, and former DeCaprio starring vehicle to wonderful heights. Paired with Cumberbatch, Tyldum honors Turing's memory justly. 

Romance is also capably handled as the it never becomes annoying. The movie sweetly portrays friendship and trust. Showing that we can be more by looking towards others. Knowing that we all need help. The major scene between Knightley and Cumberbatch (Lets go a ahead and add his name to the old Portable Turing Machine's dictionary) that lays their relationship out in the open is as good as it gets. The actors, the score, the direction, the momentum of the entire story, it all swirls into a perfect storm powerful enough to engulf every ounce of attention you have. In that moment I had to break away and look around. I had to see the faces in the crown that were gone, completely absorbed by the screen. Prisoners of the moment in a jail so finely constructed only those whoare waiting for the tide to pass over them can escape. Everyone else belongs to that scene. Belongs to the movie. 

Their relationship is also beautifully summed up by the most important adage of the film:

 "Sometimes it is the people who no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine."

I think I instantly became a better person the moment after hearing that line. Thankfully it was repeated so that I may more easily remember it. 

Aside from the two leads (albeit one far leadier than the other), this movie benefits from having a supremely talented supporting cast who are allowed to fully flesh out their deeply human roles. Charles Dance is superbly capable and prickly as the Lanniseresque Commander Denniston. Matthew Goode, Allen Leech, and the rest of the code breakers are also immensely effective in their work. Rory Kinnear helps bring meaning to the scenes set in the 50s. Tuppence Middleton also quite nicely maximized her screen time and made her otherwise cliched character be more than it could potentially have been. And lest we forget, the childhood scenes are handled so somberly by Alex Lawther. (Although, I am a bit sad about a lack of Tom Hiddleston who could easily slip in for Matthew Goode. The dream of having him, Cumberbatch, and Strong on screen together must wait. This movie instead joins the ranks of War Horse as another trifecta close call.)

No movie can reach the upper echelon of cinema without a penetrating score. Zimmer's Interstellar set the bar this year and here Alexandre Desplat(Argo) rise to match him. Desplat, who apparently had only three weeks at his disposal, does a philomenal job (Anyone catch that? Philomena...no?) The piano tune is immaculately simple yet profoundly immersive,  Listening to it feels like you're swimming in a field of snow. 

And finally we get to Benedict himself. The absolute, unquestioningly best part of this movie is his performance. He controls the movie from the very first second. His voice....what more can be said. It is a force of nature. A monsoon of deepness that loosens all joints in your body. He is on the list of people that I would like to be yelled at by, right next to Michael Fassbender and Judi Dench. Cumberbatch shows shades of Sherlock here as well with his superb ability to portray characters whose minds are on a different plane of existence. Already the reigning Actor of the Year for 2013, Imitation Game marks him firmly in contention for a repeat win. 

As for the bad stuff...I wish the two adorable elderly ladies to the left of me would've had fewer conversations. God, I love free screening. But seriously, there is severe difficulty in finding any fault here. Scouring the negative reviews of this film leads you to see that the only bad thing is that it is a biopic and some people have watched too many to allow another good biopic to exist. Sadly, I am still in the shallow end of that pool so these eyes have yet to be jaded. Although this did elicit a similar response to watching A Beautiful Mind for the first time, which is yet another positive accolade to bestow on this movie. 

To steal a word from Selina Meyer, this is a robust year for movies. How many times can a film buff allow his top spot to be toppled? We may be looking at the unholy unordered top ten by year's end. You're up Peter Jackson. Good call in having Cumberbatch play two roles in one movie.  

Bottom Line. Stunning performance. Stunning Film. 

10 out of 10.